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lyrics

I lied awake
in the silence and shade,
counting the hours as they passed.

Was it all just a loss,
a game, a coin toss,
if all of this stuff doesn’t last?

If it leaves, I will rake it.
Don’t think I can take it.
It’s alright if you take it easy.

It’s a beautiful day
to stay home and play,
and that is okay, if you ask me.

I’ll be home at last.
I’ll be finally friends with the quiet again.
Feel at home at last
with myself.

My head’s a clenched fist.
I’ll hit you with it,
but I only hurt myself trying.

I’m sorry I fight you.
You said, it’s alright, you,
but I can’t forgive myself this time.

I stopped to stare
at my face in the mirror,
and I’ve got a headache from crying.

I said, I forgave you.
I couldn’t hate you,
and trust me, for years I had tried.

I heard that sound,
and you know I got down,
way down to the bottom of it.

And now I’m so glad
I know to be sad,
‘cause sadness has taught me quite a bit.

I thought I’d gone mental.
My mind was an echo
of all of the things I regret.

Goodbye to the hoopla,
hello felix culpa.
I’ll no longer be just a marionette.

credits

from Demo​​​-​​​Listen Derby 2020, Vol. 3, released September 3, 2021

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Arend Lee Jessurun image

Arend Lee Jessurun Los Angeles, California

Arend Lee Jessurun (they/them) is a nonbinary singer-songwriter and producer writing sincere, sometimes psychedelic, chamber folk. Their music explores the genderqueer experience and Christian faith through a hopeful lens. Arend's pure singing voice, nimble guitar arrangements, and poetic sensibility have earned them comparisons to Simon & Garfunkel, Iron & Wine, and Nick Drake. ... more

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